why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
