Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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