Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
