I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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