dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
