I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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