Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
