they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
