I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Michael Bay diarrhea
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
