He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
