DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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