I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
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He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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