hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
