it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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