I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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