omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
