can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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