lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
