So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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