I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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