I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
