I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Randomize
