That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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