So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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