i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
