I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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