Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the liver wants what the liver wants
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
