I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
