So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
