I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
How's work?
Spinning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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