Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
