Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
