if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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