She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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