using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
