i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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