...so i touched it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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