we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
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I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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