So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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