So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
