she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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