please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
