I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
