So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
