Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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