i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
