I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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