I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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