Are we in a gay sports bar?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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