I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
