he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
