I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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