Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
