why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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