Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
