let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
