i think my tv is drunk
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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