I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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