pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
