Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
