Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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