okay pat passed out under dana's car
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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