that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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