Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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