Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
