I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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