I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize