Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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