Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
