Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
