She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So squirting runs in the family.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
