how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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