You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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