I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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