drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
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Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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